letting it go
i haven't been able to write this post until now because i've either been in denial or been too angry/sad to do it.
i won't be running the chicago marathon this year. i went to the sports med doc a couple of weeks ago, and he said he didn't think i could do it because i never let my leg heal and kept re-injuring it. he said there wouldn't be enough time to get back to training without injuring myself again. he also said i could prove him wrong, but he'd be surprised if i did.
my immediate reaction was, "oh i'll prove you wrong, dickhead."
unfortunately, the asshole (ok, he's not really an asshole, but i never claimed that i stopped being angry) was right. i tried to run a 5k the saturday after i went to see him and barely finished. so that day was the end of my period of denial.
people have been really nice and supportive, but i still really wish i just would've kept the fact that i was training for the marathon a secret. i know people ask about my running because they care (or because they just can't find another topic of conversation), but it's just hard for me to talk about it...even when i was healthy. i don't like attention. never have. never will. i just wanted to finish a marathon quietly and be proud of my accomplishment. the memories of finishing and having that medal would have been enough. i love talking about running - i just don't like talking about my running. now that i have given up on training for it, i just don't even have the words when people ask. i've been trying to play it off like it's not a big deal because i've been scared that i will break down in front of some random acquaintance who just wanted to make conversation.
it is a big deal. and i'm sad. and angry. and want to beat the shit out of someone. but i'm trying to let that go.
so, i'll set my sights on getting healthy. the plan is to take it easy the next few weeks, ease back into cross training and then start running again in december. by january, i'll be ready to start training for the shamrock shuffle.
i chose to run the chicago marathon not just because i live here but because i love this city. i fell in love with it the second i moved here. i want to run the streets and see all of the neighborhoods and feel the energy from the runners perspective that i felt as a spectator the past two years. chicago will be my first marathon - it'll just have to be chicago '07.
to the rest of you who are still in training, good luck. i'll be out there cheering for you on sunday morning.
i won't be running the chicago marathon this year. i went to the sports med doc a couple of weeks ago, and he said he didn't think i could do it because i never let my leg heal and kept re-injuring it. he said there wouldn't be enough time to get back to training without injuring myself again. he also said i could prove him wrong, but he'd be surprised if i did.
my immediate reaction was, "oh i'll prove you wrong, dickhead."
unfortunately, the asshole (ok, he's not really an asshole, but i never claimed that i stopped being angry) was right. i tried to run a 5k the saturday after i went to see him and barely finished. so that day was the end of my period of denial.
people have been really nice and supportive, but i still really wish i just would've kept the fact that i was training for the marathon a secret. i know people ask about my running because they care (or because they just can't find another topic of conversation), but it's just hard for me to talk about it...even when i was healthy. i don't like attention. never have. never will. i just wanted to finish a marathon quietly and be proud of my accomplishment. the memories of finishing and having that medal would have been enough. i love talking about running - i just don't like talking about my running. now that i have given up on training for it, i just don't even have the words when people ask. i've been trying to play it off like it's not a big deal because i've been scared that i will break down in front of some random acquaintance who just wanted to make conversation.
it is a big deal. and i'm sad. and angry. and want to beat the shit out of someone. but i'm trying to let that go.
so, i'll set my sights on getting healthy. the plan is to take it easy the next few weeks, ease back into cross training and then start running again in december. by january, i'll be ready to start training for the shamrock shuffle.
i chose to run the chicago marathon not just because i live here but because i love this city. i fell in love with it the second i moved here. i want to run the streets and see all of the neighborhoods and feel the energy from the runners perspective that i felt as a spectator the past two years. chicago will be my first marathon - it'll just have to be chicago '07.
to the rest of you who are still in training, good luck. i'll be out there cheering for you on sunday morning.
posted by tc at
4:50 PM
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